"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides, and when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No...don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."
Ah, love.
I truly believe it is the most confusing thing on the planet. Everyone has a different definition for it, a different way of explaining what it is and where it comes from and why it occurs. We all experience it in many different forms and in many different ways. The love for a pet is much different than the love for a spouse, and puppy love is nothing even near the feelings in a strong relationship. These are the basic guidelines of love that most tend to agree on.
I don't want to delve into those other kinds of love. Today I'm blogging about the major kind of love. Being in love. Get the point? I hope so.
Trust issues and commitment issues alike have plagued me for a long time. Is it easy for me to love people? Absolutely not. I see people for the bad in them, which I can't begin to say is a good thing but also can't help (I'm a pessimist, my mind is set on seeing the bad in everything, people included). I'm not good at showing affection or letting people know how I really feel.
And then comes that day. The day where I find that I do love someone. Not just crushing on him or wanting him to like me with no return. I like him. I love him. I can't help it or stop it, and it thrills me and scares me simutaneously. I love him so much that it physically pains me to think of him not loving me, too. It kills me to even think of him being with anyone else. I only see him when it comes to that special place in my life.
What is a person with pessimistic views on love and life such as I to do?
I constantly fear that I'll be the one to run away. I'm afraid I'll convince myself to end it, but if I did I know it'd be the most horrible thing possible for me. This is what anxiety does to you. I love him, and I still think this way. If only everyone could take a glimpse within my mind and see that I'm just being ridiculous.
When thinking of him I see beautiful things. Lazy walks in the park. A lovely garden with treehouses. Constant flirting and final realization. To me, this is a part of love because love should bring about fond memories at the first thought.
So what do I think love is exactly?
Love is relying on someone even when you judge own self for what you're revealing. Love is seeing a name pop up on a screen and instantly feeling better. Love is knowing you couldn't stand to part from that special one. Love isn't about everything being happy and perfect and dream-like every minute of every day. Love is knowing that when doubts come or when something goes in the wrong direction, it will be resolved out of love for the other person.
If you can stand the idea of him or her being with someone else, it is not love.
If you can accept that your relationship can not possibly succeed in the future, it is not love.
If you are willing to give your entire self in exchange for whatever he will give you in return, it is love.
Even when I get scared of something messing up, I comfort myself with the fact that I couldn't stand being apart from him. Not physically apart because that's already a factor in my relationship, but emotionally and mentally apart. I need him, and I believe it when he says he needs me. We love each other, and it is not one-sided.
I need reassurance from him, but he's always willing to give it. Part of love is having a partner who accepts what you need as what it is. A need. Not a want. Those things are very different, and you both have to know how to tell which is which for the other.
Last of all, love is a learning experience. I'm in the process of learning this fact through experience. When something sad comes around, it's hard for me to let it go and learn from it. But I'm learning that in this relationship, neither of us will get everything right the first, or even the next few times. Even though this can lead to dilemmas on occassion, it also makes love fun. If you knew everything to begin with, there would be no surprises. And after all, what is life or love or anything without a little pleasant surprise?
I'm still in the process of learning how to deal with commitment and difficulties, but he helps me pull through those things and anything else that comes up. To me, he is the most wonderful and beautiful person in the world. I need him like I need air, as cliche and stupid as that sounds. I want him in my life as long as I'm here to live it. I believe he wants the same and hope he continues to.
And to conclude this, I'll have to say:
I love you, Seamus.
Sincerely Cynical,
Kaci
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Ah, love.
I truly believe it is the most confusing thing on the planet. Everyone has a different definition for it, a different way of explaining what it is and where it comes from and why it occurs. We all experience it in many different forms and in many different ways. The love for a pet is much different than the love for a spouse, and puppy love is nothing even near the feelings in a strong relationship. These are the basic guidelines of love that most tend to agree on.
I don't want to delve into those other kinds of love. Today I'm blogging about the major kind of love. Being in love. Get the point? I hope so.
Trust issues and commitment issues alike have plagued me for a long time. Is it easy for me to love people? Absolutely not. I see people for the bad in them, which I can't begin to say is a good thing but also can't help (I'm a pessimist, my mind is set on seeing the bad in everything, people included). I'm not good at showing affection or letting people know how I really feel.
And then comes that day. The day where I find that I do love someone. Not just crushing on him or wanting him to like me with no return. I like him. I love him. I can't help it or stop it, and it thrills me and scares me simutaneously. I love him so much that it physically pains me to think of him not loving me, too. It kills me to even think of him being with anyone else. I only see him when it comes to that special place in my life.
What is a person with pessimistic views on love and life such as I to do?
I constantly fear that I'll be the one to run away. I'm afraid I'll convince myself to end it, but if I did I know it'd be the most horrible thing possible for me. This is what anxiety does to you. I love him, and I still think this way. If only everyone could take a glimpse within my mind and see that I'm just being ridiculous.
When thinking of him I see beautiful things. Lazy walks in the park. A lovely garden with treehouses. Constant flirting and final realization. To me, this is a part of love because love should bring about fond memories at the first thought.
So what do I think love is exactly?
Love is relying on someone even when you judge own self for what you're revealing. Love is seeing a name pop up on a screen and instantly feeling better. Love is knowing you couldn't stand to part from that special one. Love isn't about everything being happy and perfect and dream-like every minute of every day. Love is knowing that when doubts come or when something goes in the wrong direction, it will be resolved out of love for the other person.
If you can stand the idea of him or her being with someone else, it is not love.
If you can accept that your relationship can not possibly succeed in the future, it is not love.
If you are willing to give your entire self in exchange for whatever he will give you in return, it is love.
Even when I get scared of something messing up, I comfort myself with the fact that I couldn't stand being apart from him. Not physically apart because that's already a factor in my relationship, but emotionally and mentally apart. I need him, and I believe it when he says he needs me. We love each other, and it is not one-sided.
I need reassurance from him, but he's always willing to give it. Part of love is having a partner who accepts what you need as what it is. A need. Not a want. Those things are very different, and you both have to know how to tell which is which for the other.
Last of all, love is a learning experience. I'm in the process of learning this fact through experience. When something sad comes around, it's hard for me to let it go and learn from it. But I'm learning that in this relationship, neither of us will get everything right the first, or even the next few times. Even though this can lead to dilemmas on occassion, it also makes love fun. If you knew everything to begin with, there would be no surprises. And after all, what is life or love or anything without a little pleasant surprise?
I'm still in the process of learning how to deal with commitment and difficulties, but he helps me pull through those things and anything else that comes up. To me, he is the most wonderful and beautiful person in the world. I need him like I need air, as cliche and stupid as that sounds. I want him in my life as long as I'm here to live it. I believe he wants the same and hope he continues to.
And to conclude this, I'll have to say:
I love you, Seamus.
Sincerely Cynical,
Kaci
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